Image Source:
“Silver Grey Cotton Silk Fabric.” NY Designer Fabrics, nydesignerfabrics.com/products/silver-grey-cotton-silk-fabric. Accessed 24 Oct. 2023.
Gertrude:
A storm has passed and I have found myself stranded and desolate, permanently immobilized within the progression of life. Living has become mechanical, instinctual, and utterly dismal. However, despite the loss and the seething water that has so tried to drown me, I know that I mustn't stop fighting. I simply do not possess the ability to choose such a path. I can not help but to recall the words of Lucy Snowe when she describes, “I saw myself in the glass, in my mourning dress, a faded, hollow-eyed vision. Yet I thought little of the wan spectacle… I still felt life at life’s sources.” Though I might not encounter the same happiness that I once drew from life, I will continue to endure the inevitable hardships and excitements that await me in the future. I will fight not only for existence, but for happiness itself for I still possess much life left to be lived.
Though it pained me to destroy something that had once been associated with someone so alive and beautiful, I decided to cut out a small piece of fabric from that grey dress that Phyllis had brought to life. My intention is to preserve this piece of Phyllis in this journal, however, I can not help but notice an unsettling and discomforting feeling as I stare at the dull hues of the fabric. I once admired this dress as it was worn and made alive by Phyllis, but now, as I run my hands across the smooth surface, it feels cold and dead. All I can see is the grey surrounding me, woven into the fabric of life and infused into the eyes of those around me.
Researcher:
Gertrude’s reflection on her own emotions and experience with the death of her sister provides special insight into how Victorian societies' understanding of death might have differed from how death was actually experienced by those undergoing grief. During the Victorian era, the death rates were extremely high (Milner 6), and therefore, the people had to find a way to deal with death in a way that would comfort and support them as they grieved (Milner 7). As society worked towards fighting the demoralization of death as it occurred so often, a strict set of rules and etiquette were created for mourners to follow. For example, etiquette books had specific instructions for how to live life after someone’s death (Milner 7), and there were even warehouses specifically constructed to provide mourning attire for women (Milner 20). This obsession with living life in a very specifically somber and selfless manner is a defining factor of Victorian society, however, in her entry, Gertrude reveals how this way of coping was not how everyone dealt with death.
After the death of a family member or close friend, mourners, especially women, were expected to act selflessly and live their lives by the standards of mourning that society determined were proper. Instead, Gertrude allows herself to fully feel her emotions and not hide them under an artificial air of solemness. Additionally, she discusses her desire to continue fighting for life and for happiness. This demonstrates a break away from traditional Victorian mourning because, rather than continuing life with death on her mind, Gertrude discusses how she actively will move forwards in life and continue fighting obstacles without being weighed down by grief.
Sources:
Milner, Sigrid Payne, "The Grim Reaper: Attitudes toward Death in Victorian England, 1837-1902" (1972). Dissertations, Theses, and Masters Projects. William & Mary. Paper 1539624781. https://dx.doi.org/doi:10.21220/s2-gmjf-xx64